Can’t Touch This

Getting organized can be tough, but having someone else who is not on board makes it much tougher. Whether it be your children, or your significant other, you may feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle, and that your efforts are futile. However, let me reassure you that they are not. Let’s begin with the children.

For most kids, being organized (or tidy) does not come naturally to them. It is something that they need to be taught. There are two sides to this. First, it is essential that we help children to learn what to keep, and what/when to let go. If they’ve grown out of a piece of clothing or a toy, encourage them to donate that item either to another family member, or to a thrift store. Have them go with you to drop it off, so that the understand the process. Also, if something is no longer useful, help them to throw it out. It is incredibly important that they make the decision. If we simply do everything for them, they will not develop these essential skills, which will inhibit them later on in life. Also, throwing out (or giving away) items without their knowledge can create issues with attachment.

Second, children need to learn how to clean/tidy for themselves. If you are fortunate enough to have either a cleaner or a nanny, please allow your children to help them. When they move out, if they haven’t developed these skills, they will not be able to apply them to their own home – which will likely be cleaner-less for a period of time at the least. Again, these are learned skills, so be sure to include them in the various components of keeping a home tidy and organized.

Now for the big kid in the family – just kidding. Unfortunately, sometimes our spouse may not have developed these skills, so they don’t see the need to help out. This is a discussion you will have to have with your spouse, and this is exactly why I encourage all couple to go to premarital counselling before getting married. Yes, at our counselling we discussed who would take on which chores. It wasn’t written in stone as I primarily clean the washrooms now, but my husband almost always does the laundry, which is a nice trade off.

Again, however, it is important that you do not throw out (or give away) items that your significant other has not already approved. This can create trust issues, and if they are a “collector” of things, it will magnify the problem – trust me. They will find more items to replace the one that you disposed of, thinking that they wouldn’t notice.

Communication is key, and all relationships (children and spouses) take time. You can’t expect everyone to jump on board with you right at the get go. However, as they see your growing calmness, they will hopefully want to get in on your little secret. As they say “Keep Calm and Carry On”

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